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Counselling glossary

This glossary explains words you may come across in counselling, in person-centred theory, and in writing about life abroad and family culture. Each entry gives a short definition first, then a hypothetical everyday example, then a note on how the idea tends to show up in person-centred counselling.

Some terms come from Carl Rogers' work, such as congruence, unconditional positive regard and the actualising tendency. Others come from research on migration and culture, such as acculturative stress, culture shock and third culture kids. A few are everyday words, like people-pleasing or mental load, that people use to describe real experiences even though they are not clinical labels.

None of these terms is a diagnosis. They are ways of naming experiences so they become a little easier to talk about. If a word fits you, that does not mean something is wrong with you. If it doesn't fit, that is fine too.

Where an entry draws on research, the sources are listed at the bottom so you can read further. Definitions are written to be accurate but simple, so they leave out some academic detail.

If you would like to explore any of these themes with someone, you can read about online counselling for women, online therapy for expats, or try one of the free, private reflection tools.

Acculturative stress: Stress that comes from adapting to a new culture, such as after migration, study abroad or relocating for work.
Actualising tendency: Carl Rogers' term for the inborn tendency of every living organism to develop, maintain and enhance itself.
Ambivalence: Holding mixed or opposing feelings about the same person, decision or situation at the same time, such as wanting and not wanting something.
Anxiety: A feeling of unease, worry or fear, often about something uncertain or in the future, that can affect both body and mind.
BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy): The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, a UK professional body that sets ethical standards for its members.
Boundaries: The emotional, physical and practical limits that mark what a person is and isn't willing to accept or give in a relationship.
Burnout: A syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed, marked by exhaustion, cynicism and reduced effectiveness.
Carl Rogers: American psychologist (1902 to 1987) who founded client-centred, later person-centred, therapy and described the core conditions for change.
CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy): A structured, goal-focused talking therapy that works on the links between thoughts, feelings and behaviour, often using exercises between sessions.
Clinical supervision: Regular, structured consultation in which a counsellor reviews their client work with an experienced supervisor to support safe, ethical practice.
Collectivism: A cultural orientation in which people see themselves mainly as part of close groups, such as family, and prioritise harmony and obligation.
Conditions of worth: Rules a person absorbs, usually in childhood, about which feelings and behaviours make them worthy of love and approval.
Confidentiality: The counsellor's commitment to keep what a client shares private, within limits explained at the start, such as serious risk of harm.
Congruence: Genuineness: the counsellor being real in the relationship, and more broadly, a match between what a person experiences and how they see themselves.
Core conditions: Empathy, unconditional positive regard and congruence: the three counsellor qualities Carl Rogers proposed as central to therapeutic change.
Counselling vs psychotherapy: Two overlapping forms of talking therapy; the terms are often used interchangeably, though psychotherapy training is usually longer.
Culture shock: The anxiety and disorientation that can follow losing familiar social signs and symbols when living in a new culture.
Empathy: Sensing another person's inner world as if it were your own, without losing the 'as if', and communicating that understanding back.
Enmeshment: A family pattern in which boundaries between members are so blurred that individual feelings, needs and choices struggle to exist separately.
Filial piety: A value, found in many Asian cultures, of respecting, obeying and caring for one's parents and elders as a central moral duty.
Guilt vs shame: Guilt focuses on a specific action ('I did something bad'); shame focuses on the whole self ('I am bad').
Homesickness: The distress and longing caused by being separated from home and attachment figures, often with preoccupying thoughts of home.
Imposter syndrome: A persistent feeling of being a fraud and fearing exposure, despite clear evidence of competence and success.
Individualism: A cultural orientation that emphasises personal independence, self-expression and individual choice over obligations to the wider group.
Intergenerational trauma: The idea that effects of trauma experienced by one generation can influence the wellbeing, relationships and patterns of later generations.
Locus of evaluation: Where a person's sense of judgement sits: in their own experience (internal) or in the opinions and standards of others (external).
Loneliness: The distressing feeling that your social relationships are fewer or less meaningful than you want them to be.
Mental load: The invisible cognitive work of anticipating needs, planning, deciding and keeping track of tasks for a household or family.
Minority stress: The additional, chronic stress experienced by people from stigmatised minority groups, arising from prejudice, discrimination and the anticipation of it.
Non-directive therapy: An approach in which the counsellor follows the client's lead and does not set the agenda, give advice or direct the content of sessions.
People-pleasing: A habitual pattern of prioritising other people's wishes and approval over your own needs, often to avoid conflict, rejection or guilt.
Perfectionism: Setting extremely high standards for yourself or others, combined with harsh self-criticism when those standards are not met.
Person-centred therapy: A humanistic form of counselling developed by Carl Rogers, in which the client leads and the relationship with the counsellor is central.
Reverse culture shock: The disorientation and sense of not fitting in that can follow returning to your home culture after a period of living abroad.
Self-compassion: Treating yourself with kindness and understanding in times of difficulty or failure, as you would treat someone you care about.
Self-concept: The organised set of beliefs and perceptions a person holds about who they are, what they are like and what they are worth.
Therapeutic relationship: The working relationship between counsellor and client, including trust, collaboration and the emotional bond that develops between them.
Third culture kid (TCK): A person who spent a significant part of their childhood living outside their parents' home culture, often moving between countries.
Trailing spouse: A person who moves abroad because their partner has taken a job or assignment there, often setting aside their own career.
Unconditional positive regard: A warm acceptance of the client as a person, offered without conditions and without needing to approve of everything they do.