Online Counselling for Women, in English

I'm Michelle Fernando, a female counsellor offering online counselling for women who are tired of holding everything together. We meet by secure video from the UK, in English, wherever you live, for £45 a session. I'm a trainee person-centred counsellor and BACP student member, working under supervision, so I won't diagnose you or hand you a plan.

Who online counselling for women is for

There's no checklist you have to meet. Still, it can help to see your situation written down by someone else. These are some of the experiences that lead people to look for an online therapist for women.

The daughter who holds the family together. You're the one who remembers the hospital appointments, fills in the forms and calms your mother after the argument with your brother. You love them. You're also exhausted, and you feel guilty for even thinking that. I've written more about family duty and finding room for yourself.

You moved for a partner's career. Their contract was the reason for the move. Your job and your sense of being good at things stayed behind. When people ask how you're settling in, you say "fine", because the honest answer would take an hour. There's a longer page on being a trailing spouse.

Motherhood far from family. Imagine a newborn in a city where nobody knows your name, and your mother on a video call several hours ahead. The ordinary help many people take for granted, someone to hold the baby while you shower, simply isn't there. Counselling for mothers online can fit around naps and school runs in a way that travelling to an office often can't. I've gathered free, reputable reading on pregnancy and the postnatal period too.

Working mothers. You're good at your job and you're a loving parent, and some weeks you feel you're failing at both. The mental list never switches off. A session can be the one hour in the week that isn't about anyone else's needs.

Low self-esteem. A harsh inner voice that runs you down, however much you achieve. I've written about self-esteem and where that voice often comes from. If you'd like a private starting point, the self-esteem test takes a few minutes and gives you something to bring to a first session.

People-pleasing. You say yes before you've checked whether you mean it. Disagreeing, even about where to eat, feels risky. You're very good at reading the room and much less sure what you'd want if the room weren't there. More on that in people-pleasing.

Being "the strong one". Friends call you when things fall apart. Hardly anyone asks how you are, partly because you've become so good at sounding fine.

Expectations about marriage and career. Perhaps there's a timeline for marriage that you didn't write. Perhaps a career was chosen for the family's sake, or for its security. Perhaps you've done everything "right" and still feel you're living someone else's life.

Burnout. The World Health Organization describes burn-out as the result of chronic workplace stress that hasn't been successfully managed, marked by exhaustion, growing distance from your job and a reduced sense of being effective. WHO keeps the term for work. The feeling of running on empty can also build up from caring for family. There's more on my page about burnout, and the burnout test can help you put words to how depleted you feel. It isn't a diagnosis.

After a breakup or divorce. The end of a relationship can unsettle your home, your money, your friendships and your sense of who you are, sometimes far from family. See after a breakup or divorce.

A relationship that wears you down. Being criticised, controlled or made to doubt your own memory can leave you unsure what is real. My page on emotionally abusive relationships looks at this. If you're in danger, the helplines at the end of this page come first.

If none of these fit, that's fine. You can come with something as vague as "I don't feel like myself".

Why write a counselling page for women?

It's a fair question. Women aren't one type of person, and I won't treat you as one.

The focus here is on situations. In many families, the unpaid work of keeping everyone connected and cared for still lands more often on daughters, wives and mothers. The psychologist Dana Jack described a pattern she called "silencing the self": holding back your own needs and opinions to protect a relationship. In research with Diana Dill, this way of relating was associated with depression in the groups of women they studied (Jack and Dill, 1992). It's one name for something many people recognise in themselves.

Men and non-binary people aren't turned away. If what you've read sounds like your life, you're welcome here.

What I offer as a female therapist online

I work in a person-centred way, based on the ideas of Carl Rogers. Rogers proposed that change becomes possible when a client experiences a counsellor who is genuine, accepting and trying hard to understand them from the inside (Rogers, 1957). That relationship is the work.

In practice, that means:

• You set the direction. There's no agenda, worksheet or homework.
• I won't tell you to cut off your family, and I won't tell you to put up with everything either. Your ties to people matter, and so do you.
• You're allowed to be unsure. Wanting to stay and wanting to leave at the same time is a very human place to be, and we can take both sides seriously.
• I'll be honest with you, including about what I notice and about the limits of what I can offer.

I'm especially interested in how culture and family shape the person you've had to become. I trained and worked in Colombo, Sri Lanka, before working in the UK. I know that for many people independence isn't the only goal. Closeness to family can be a source of strength and a source of pressure, often in the same week. If your family background is South Asian, you may also want to read my page on counselling for South Asian women and families.

How online counselling for women works

We meet by secure video for 50 minutes, usually at the same time each week. You'll need somewhere private, a stable connection and, ideally, headphones. Some people take their session in a parked car or a borrowed office when home isn't private. That's okay.

A common worry is whether talking through a screen is "real" counselling. A 2021 meta-analysis compared psychotherapy delivered live by video with in-person delivery and found the difference in outcomes was negligible (Fernandez and colleagues, 2021). That doesn't mean video suits everyone. It does mean you don't have to treat online counselling as second best. I've summarised the research in more detail in is online counselling effective?.

Sessions are in English, and evening times are available in UK time. If you live outside the UK, the counselling is delivered online from the UK, and it isn't part of the healthcare system where you live. If you're a woman abroad looking for a therapist who stays the same when you move, my page on online therapy for expats covers time zones and moving between countries.

Who I am: a trainee counsellor, working under supervision

I want to be clear about my status, because you deserve to know who you're working with.

I'm a Trainee Person-Centred Counsellor and a student member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). As a student member, I'm bound by BACP's Ethical Framework for the Counselling Professions. I'm completing an MSc in Counselling and Psychotherapy at Keele University, and I work under regular clinical supervision.

I hold a PGDip in Counselling and Psychosocial Support from the University of Colombo and a BSc in Psychology from Coventry University. I currently work as a placement counsellor at Axis Counselling in Shrewsbury, and before that I was a placement counsellor at FPA Sri Lanka. You can read more about my background.

Being a trainee is also why my fee is lower than many qualified counsellors charge.

How much does online counselling cost?

A session costs £45 for 50 minutes, charged in pounds. If you pay from another currency, your bank or card provider sets the exchange rate. I keep a small number of lower-cost places for students, trainees and people on a low income. You can find the details, including my 48-hour cancellation policy, on the fees page.

When you're ready, you can book a session. If you'd rather ask something first, email hello@michellefernando.com and I'll reply within 48 hours. You don't have to explain everything in that first message. "I think I'd like to talk to someone" is enough.

When to look for different or urgent help

Some needs are outside what I can safely offer as a trainee. I don't work with people in active suicidal crisis, and I don't work with psychosis, eating disorders, addiction, couples or children. I also don't offer specialist trauma treatment. If any of these apply to you, I'll help you think about where to turn.

If your life or someone else's is at risk right now:

• In the UK, call 999 or go to A&E. For urgent help that isn't an emergency, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option.
• Samaritans are free on 116 123, 24 hours a day.
• Anywhere in the EU, call 112. For other countries, the mental health helplines directory lists checked crisis numbers by country.
• If you're experiencing domestic abuse in the UK, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, is free on 0808 2000 247, day and night. My page on domestic abuse and women's safety lists more specialist support.
• If you've had a baby in the past year and your mood has been low for more than a couple of weeks, the NHS advises speaking to your GP, midwife or health visitor.

You don't need to have it all worked out before you start. You only need to begin where you are.