Burnout

Burnout is the exhaustion that builds when stress goes on for too long without enough relief. The World Health Organization describes it as a workplace phenomenon, not a medical condition. For many women, the unpaid work of running a home and holding everyone's needs in mind adds to it. Burnout counselling online offers a steady space to look at what's draining you, at your own pace.

What is burnout, according to the WHO?

Since 2019, burnout has been described in the WHO's International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11). The definition is short: burnout is "a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed" (WHO, 2019).

The WHO names three dimensions:

• feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion
• increased mental distance from your job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism about it
• reduced professional efficacy

Two details are easy to miss. The WHO is clear that burnout is "not classified as a medical condition". And it says the term refers to work, and "should not be applied to describe experiences in other areas of life".

That second point matters, because many women are exhausted by more than their job. The word may not fit perfectly. The tiredness still counts. The glossary entry on burnout gives a shorter summary.

What are the signs of burnout?

You might recognise some of this:

• Waking up tired, even after a full night's sleep.
• Dreading Sunday evening, or every evening.
• Feeling flat or irritable about work you used to care about.
• Getting through the day on lists and caffeine, then having nothing left for yourself.
• Making small mistakes that aren't like you.
• Thinking "I just need a holiday", and coming back from the holiday just as drained.

It often creeps up. You adjust to each new demand, and only notice how far you've come when something small, like a broken dishwasher, makes you cry.

How does the mental load add to burnout?

Paid work is only part of the picture for many women. The sociologist Allison Daminger interviewed 35 couples about what she called cognitive labour: anticipating needs, identifying options for meeting them, making decisions, and monitoring progress. She found that this work is taxing and often invisible, to the person doing it as well as to their partner. The women in her study did more of it overall, especially the anticipating and monitoring (Daminger, 2019).

That's the mental load. It's knowing the school trip form is due Thursday, that your mother-in-law's birthday is next week, that the rice is running low. None of it looks like much on its own.

Living abroad can make it heavier. Imagine trying to book a paediatrician in a language you're still learning, with no grandmother round the corner to take the children for an afternoon. The list gets longer, and the support gets thinner.

Some women also bring a habit of saying yes to everything, or a standard of "good enough" that keeps moving. If that sounds familiar, the page on people-pleasing may be worth reading alongside this one, and the short perfectionism test can help you notice how high the bar sits.

Is it burnout or depression?

Burnout and depression can look alike, and they can overlap. Depression, though, is a clinical condition that affects more than work, and it needs proper assessment. The NHS suggests seeing a GP if your low mood has lasted more than two weeks, or if you're struggling to cope (NHS, low mood).

If you'd like a starting point, the free burnout test uses the Copenhagen Burnout Inventory. It can help you put words to how you feel. It isn't a diagnosis. A high score is a reason to look after yourself, and it says nothing about your worth. The page on low mood abroad covers what to do if your mood has dropped further.

How can burnout counselling online help?

I want to be honest about what counselling can and can't do. It can't change your contract, your manager or your childcare. Burnout researchers Christina Maslach and Michael Leiter have also pointed out that interventions to treat or prevent burnout still haven't been evaluated as thoroughly as they should be (Maslach and Leiter, 2016). So I won't promise you an outcome.

What burnout therapy for women can offer, in a person-centred way, is a different kind of hour. Nobody needs anything from you in it. In practice, the work might include:

• Slowing down enough to notice how tired you are. Many burnt-out women have stopped checking.
• Looking at what keeps you going past your limit. Sometimes it's money or fear. Sometimes it's an old belief that rest has to be earned, which Carl Rogers would have recognised as a condition of worth.
• Making room for anger and grief. About what you've given, and what it's cost.
• Finding your own sense of what needs to change. Smaller hours, a new role, more help at home, or simply permission to do less. The direction comes from you.

Sessions are online, so they can fit around work, including in the evening (UK time). If you've never had counselling, what to expect in your first session walks through how it usually goes.

What helps with burnout day to day?

There's no single fix, and advice to "practise self-care" can feel like one more job on the list. A few things people often find useful:

• Rest that isn't earned. Stopping before you've finished everything, because you never will.
• Sharing the invisible work out loud. Writing down everything you track, then deciding with a partner what moves to them.
• One smaller no. Not a dramatic change, just one request a week you don't take on.
• Noticing when "busy" means "stressed". Feeling stuck and exhausted at once is common in burnout.

If you'd like structured self-help, the list of free stress resources collects checked guides and workbooks from public health services.

When to look for other or urgent help

If exhaustion comes with chest pain, fainting or other physical symptoms, please see a doctor. If you're having thoughts of ending your life, or you're worried you might act on thoughts of harming yourself, please get help now:

• UK: call 999 or go to A&E. For urgent help that isn't an emergency, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option. Samaritans are free on 116 123, 24 hours a day.
• EU: call 112.
• Elsewhere: the helplines directory lists verified crisis numbers by country.

Related reading

• Online counselling for women, including being the one who holds everything together.
• Online therapy for expats, if living abroad has made the load heavier.

I'm a trainee person-centred counsellor and BACP student member, working under supervision. Sessions are £45 for 50 minutes, charged in pounds. You can book a session when you're ready.