What should you expect in your first counselling session?

In a first counselling session, the counsellor usually explains how they work, agrees practical terms with you (known as contracting), and explains confidentiality and its limits. Then you talk about what has brought you, as much or as little as you want. It's normal to feel nervous. You don't need to prepare. With me, the first session is a normal 50-minute session.

What happens in a first counselling session?

Every counsellor works a little differently, but most first sessions have the same parts.

1. Settling in. Saying hello, checking the video and sound work if you're online, and a moment to breathe.
2. Contracting. The practical agreement about how you'll work together.
3. Confidentiality. What stays private, and the rare situations when it might not.
4. Your story. What has brought you to counselling, at your own pace.
5. Looking ahead. Whether you'd like to meet again, and how often.

Sessions usually last 50 to 60 minutes, according to the NHS. Mine are 50 minutes, and the first one is a full session, not a shortened one.

What is contracting in counselling?

Contracting just means agreeing the terms of the work, so you know what you're signing up for. BACP's Ethical Framework asks counsellors to give clients the information they need to make an informed decision, and to communicate the terms in ways that are easy to understand (paragraphs 30 and 31). BACP also publishes Good Practice in Action guidance on contracting with adults.

In practice, a contract often covers:

• session length, frequency and fee
• cancellation policy (mine is 48 hours)
• how to contact the counsellor between sessions, and what to do in an emergency
• how notes are kept and for how long
• for online work, which platform you'll use and where you'll be during sessions

You may get some of this in writing before or after the session. You can ask questions about any of it, at any point.

What will the counsellor say about confidentiality?

Confidentiality is one of the most important parts of the first session, and a good counsellor will be clear about its limits from the start. BACP's Ethical Framework asks members to tell clients in advance about reasonably foreseeable limits (paragraph 55). These usually include:

• Serious risk of harm. If the counsellor believes you or someone else is at serious risk, they may need to act. Even then, they try to respect as much of your wishes as they can (paragraph 10).
• The law. For example, if a court requires information.
• Supervision. Counsellors discuss their work with a supervisor, without sharing details that identify you. As a trainee, I'm in regular clinical supervision.

The glossary has more on confidentiality, and my guide on whether online counselling is confidential covers the online side.

What questions will the counsellor ask?

Some counsellors use a structured assessment with set questions. In person-centred counselling, the first session is more open. I might ask what has brought you here, what life has been like lately, and what you hope for. There's no checklist you have to get through, and you don't have to know the answers.

You might start with something big and clear. Or with something vague, like "I just don't feel like myself." Both are good places to begin. My page on person-centred counselling explains why the direction comes from you.

There may be some practical questions too, such as your GP or local doctor, an emergency contact, or which country you're in during sessions. These help keep you safe, especially online.

Some people like to fill in a short self-check beforehand, such as the PHQ-9 or the GAD-7, to put words to how they've been feeling. You don't have to, and neither is a diagnosis.

Is it normal to feel nervous before counselling?

Yes. You're about to talk to someone you've never met about things you may not have said out loud before. That's a lot.

You might find your mind goes blank. You might talk faster than usual, or laugh at something painful, or cry earlier than you expected. None of that is doing it wrong. You can say "I'm nervous" at the very start. It's a perfectly good first sentence.

It's also okay to hold things back in the first session. Trust takes time. You decide what you share and when.

Is the first counselling session free?

Not with me. The first session is a normal paid 50-minute session, at £45, charged in pounds. It's a real session from the first minute, so you can judge whether we work well together from the real thing.

Some counsellors offer a short introductory call instead, and others don't. Either way, it's fine to email first with practical questions, such as availability in the evening (UK time) or how payment works, before you decide to book. My fees page explains payment, cancellations and the low-cost places I offer to students, trainees and people on low income.

How do you prepare for a first online session?

You don't need to prepare what to say. A little practical preparation helps:

• Find a private space where you won't be overheard. Headphones help.
• Test your camera, microphone and connection beforehand.
• The UK's National Cyber Security Centre suggests checking your surroundings before a call and considering a background blur for privacy.
• Turn off notifications so messages don't pull you away.
• If you're unsure video will suit you, the guide is online counselling effective? summarises the research.
• Have a glass of water and some tissues nearby.
• Give yourself ten minutes afterwards before the next thing, if you can.

What if it doesn't feel right?

Not every counsellor is the right fit for every person, and you don't owe anyone a second session. If something felt off, you can say so, or simply not rebook. If you can, try someone else rather than deciding counselling isn't for you. The guide on how to find a therapist abroad has questions worth asking, and the understanding therapy resources collect independent reading about different approaches.

If it did feel right, you can book further sessions and we'll agree how often to meet. Some people meet weekly at the same time each week, which can make it easier to pick up where you left off. Others prefer to meet less often. There's no fixed number of sessions. We can talk about how it's going whenever you like, and you can stop at any point.

I'm a trainee person-centred counsellor and BACP student member, working under supervision. Sessions are online by secure video from the UK, or in person in Shrewsbury by arrangement. You can read about how I work or book a first session.