Homesickness

Homesickness is the distress and longing that can come from being separated from home and the people you are attached to there. A 2015 systematic review by Margaret Stroebe and colleagues describes it as a kind of mini-grief, with preoccupying thoughts of home alongside difficulty settling into the new place. It is common in adults as well as children.

What it means

Homesickness is more than missing a place. It usually involves missing people, routines, food, language and a sense of being known without having to explain yourself. It can bring sadness, restlessness, poor sleep, irritability or a pull to keep checking what is happening back home.

It is a normal response to separation, not a sign of weakness or of having made the wrong choice.

Where the idea comes from

Early psychological research focused on children and young people leaving home for boarding school or university. The British psychologist Shirley Fisher studied it in detail in the 1980s, and her book Homesickness, Cognition and Health (1989) described how thoughts of home can crowd the mind and affect wellbeing.

Margaret Stroebe, Henk Schut and Maaike Nauta's 2015 review drew together decades of studies. They proposed seeing homesickness through the lens of attachment and grief: a reaction to separation from people and places we are bonded to, which may be lighter or heavier depending on circumstances.

What it can look like in everyday life

Imagine you have lived in Vienna for three years. Mostly you are fine. Then a cousin posts photos of a family wedding you couldn't attend, and you spend the evening crying over a smell you can almost remember: your grandmother's kitchen on a Sunday morning.

Or imagine you moved to The Hague for your husband's job. You speak to your mother daily, but the Sri Lankan New Year in April arrives and nobody around you knows it is happening. The ordinary day feels strangely lonely.

Homesickness doesn't only arrive in the first weeks. It can surface around festivals, illness in the family, a birth or a death, or simply on a grey afternoon.

In person-centred counselling

Homesickness often carries mixed feelings. You may long for home and also know you don't want to go back. You may miss people who also hurt you. You may feel guilty for being sad when you chose to leave, or feel you have no right to complain about a move others envy.

Counselling doesn't try to talk you out of the longing. It can make space for it as a form of love and loss, and for whatever else comes with it. For some people that grief also includes the version of themselves that existed at home.

The expat loneliness topic explores this further, and the expat wellbeing check-in may help you notice how things are right now. If someone at home has died, grief far from home looks at that particular pain.

Related ideas

Homesickness is close to culture shock, but they point in different directions. Culture shock is about struggling with the new place. Homesickness is about longing for the old one.

It also overlaps with loneliness. Loneliness is a gap between the connection you have and the connection you want, wherever you live. Homesickness is tied to a specific home and specific people.

When to get more help

If homesickness has become constant low mood, you have lost interest in most things, or you are struggling to work or sleep for weeks, please speak to a GP where you live. The helplines page lists verified support numbers by country.