Free self-help resources for relationships and communication
Many relationship difficulties come down to a few skills that nobody taught us: saying what we need, saying no without guilt, and listening without getting defensive. These are especially hard if you grew up in a family where keeping the peace mattered more than speaking up, or if you now live in a culture with different rules about directness.
The self-help with the most structure here comes from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). Both teach assertiveness and interpersonal skills step by step. You will also find articles from a relationship charity, research-based reading on friendship and support, and Dutch and German pages.
These resources are for everyday communication with partners, family, friends and colleagues. They are not a substitute for couples therapy.
If you feel afraid of a partner or family member, or someone controls your money, phone or movements, communication skills are not the answer. Please contact a domestic abuse helpline or, in an emergency, call 112 (EU) or 999 (UK).
Assert Yourself (CCI workbook)
Centre for Clinical Interventions, WA Health · Workbook · CBT · English
A modular workbook on what assertiveness is and how to recognise it. It moves on to thinking and behaving more assertively, managing physical tension and saying no.
The most structured free assertiveness programme we found, from a public specialist clinic.
For: Adults who struggle to speak up or say no · Free to download for personal use; copyright Government of Western Australia, not openly licensed.
Assertiveness and communication styles
Get Self Help (Carol Vivyan, CBT therapist) · Worksheet · CBT · English
Free information sheets on assertive rights and techniques. A linked page compares passive, aggressive and assertive communication styles.
Short and practical, from a clinician-made library many NHS therapists use.
For: People who want quick, printable assertiveness tools · Free for personal use and use in therapy; not to be reproduced elsewhere.
Interpersonal effectiveness (DBT skills)
Get Self Help (Carol Vivyan, CBT therapist) · Worksheet · DBT · English
Free handouts on the DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills. They help you ask for what you need, say no and keep your self-respect in difficult conversations.
DBT skills are well researched, and these handouts are free and clear.
For: People who find conflict or asking for things very hard · Free for personal use and use in therapy; not to be reproduced elsewhere.
Communication worksheets
Therapist Aid · Worksheet · mixed · English, Spanish
Printable worksheets on communication skills such as using I statements and active listening. Some have Spanish versions.
Clearly designed tools made by clinicians.
For: Couples, families or individuals working on how they talk · Standard PDFs free to download; copyright Therapist Aid LLC. A paid professional plan adds fillable versions.
Relationship worksheets
Therapist Aid · Worksheet · mixed · English, Spanish
Printable exercises on relationship patterns, boundaries and building closeness. Useful for reflection before a hard conversation.
Practical, clinician-made prompts.
For: People reflecting on a relationship, alone or with a partner · Standard PDFs free to download; copyright Therapist Aid LLC. A paid professional plan adds fillable versions.
Self help for relationships (Relate)
Relate · Website · mixed · English
A free library of articles, quizzes and downloadable resources on arguing, communication, family life, separation and more. Relate also offers paid counselling, which you do not need in order to use the self-help.
A long-established UK relationship support charity with a large free library.
For: Couples, families and single people with relationship worries · Free to read online; copyright Relate.
Assertiviteit
Trimbos-instituut (funded by the Dutch Ministry of Health) · Website · mixed · Dutch
A Dutch page on standing up for yourself in a respectful way. It includes practical tips for everyday situations.
From the Netherlands' national mental health institute, publicly funded.
For: Dutch speakers · Free to read online; copyright Trimbos-instituut.
Einsamkeit überwinden
Gesundheitsportal, Austrian Federal Ministry of Health · Website · psychoeducation · German
A German page on the causes of loneliness and ways to build connection. Relevant for anyone whose relationships thinned out after a move.
Official public information in German.
For: German speakers who feel isolated, including people new to a country · Free to read online; copyright of the publisher.
Love, Friendship, and Social Support (Noba module)
Noba Project · Book · psychoeducation · English
A short academic chapter on why close relationships matter and how social support affects wellbeing. Background reading rather than a programme.
Free, open textbook material from university researchers.
For: Readers who want the research on close relationships · CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
Positive Relationships (Noba module)
Noba Project · Book · psychoeducation · English
A short academic chapter on what research says about healthy, supportive relationships. Helpful context alongside the practical worksheets.
Free, open textbook material from university researchers.
For: Readers interested in what keeps relationships healthy · CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
Questions people ask
How can I learn to say no without feeling guilty?
Guilt is common, especially if you were raised to put others first. Assertiveness skills help you say no clearly and kindly, and the guilt often eases with practice. The CCI Assert Yourself workbook has a module on saying no, and the DBT interpersonal effectiveness handouts give simple scripts to follow.
Can these resources help with problems in my relationship?
They can help with everyday communication, such as raising a concern or handling disagreements. They are not a replacement for couples therapy, and they are not suitable if there is fear, control or violence in the relationship. In that case, please contact a domestic abuse helpline.
Is being assertive the same as being rude?
No. Assertiveness means stating your needs and limits honestly while respecting the other person. Aggression ignores the other person, and passivity ignores you. In some cultures directness is read differently, so it is worth adapting the wording to your setting while keeping the core message clear.